Parking and Auctions.
13:29 | 
Posted by
Tony Foster
Trying to park the big car, and having to press the brakes really hard and the thing still not stopping. Then banging up the back of a Ford Focus being distracted in traffic. It was the guy in front of him's fault really. Slamming on for no apparent reason and me looking at something else in that moment and then realising I can't stop and shunting the twozzer up the back. That weary realisation, then pulling over on to the verge, anticipating a row maybe, and just feeling pissed off at the aftermath. It didn't get any farther than that, but the lack of car control thing carried on as I failed time and again to put the Previa into a parking spot. Same thing, too much throttle sending the car too far, inability to stop, the thing sliding on, feet ahead, threatening to crash into stationery cars and objects. Me being aware of being watched, trying not to cause more damage.
After that, some sort of auction buying thing where an expert of sorts visits a seller (there's something similar on telly at the moment with antiques). But this was property, and I was on the shoulder of the expert buyer, as some kind of advisor to him. He was having a conversation with the seller in his house that he was going to sell. He started off as an oldish bloke, and he said 'I've got planning permission for this extension, that will turn it from a standard 3-bed semi, into a 4-bedroomed semi'. As we went through the rooms we saw that it was half-done. That's going to add 50k of value to the house, I thought, and tried to tell the expert that, by going behind the seller and mee-mawing for my guy's attention. I tried to lift my hands to make a 'five-oh' sign, but I became constricted by the doorway. When I got free I went to make the gesture again, but some of his kids had come into the room and were facing me. Before I could do anything else he said '50 thousand', and I felt vindicated as that was what I was going to say.
We move to outside, by some bus shelter, and the guy is a young bloke now. He starts talking fast, setting out his offer, but not coming directly to the point. He waffles on about how much he was going to ask at first, then maybe he should split this and that and he mentions some specific figures, even going down to single pounds and pence. The expert guy is looking exasperated by this time and I am bemused too. Eventually the guy makes an offer and the buyer just says 'done'. The seller guy looks incredulous, and I laugh and say 'he wanted to go through his repertoire of barter and you spoiled it. He wanted at least three more rounds of haggling.' The seller does indeed look bereft, and its clear he thinks now he has offered too cheaply, and we both think the same.
After that, some sort of auction buying thing where an expert of sorts visits a seller (there's something similar on telly at the moment with antiques). But this was property, and I was on the shoulder of the expert buyer, as some kind of advisor to him. He was having a conversation with the seller in his house that he was going to sell. He started off as an oldish bloke, and he said 'I've got planning permission for this extension, that will turn it from a standard 3-bed semi, into a 4-bedroomed semi'. As we went through the rooms we saw that it was half-done. That's going to add 50k of value to the house, I thought, and tried to tell the expert that, by going behind the seller and mee-mawing for my guy's attention. I tried to lift my hands to make a 'five-oh' sign, but I became constricted by the doorway. When I got free I went to make the gesture again, but some of his kids had come into the room and were facing me. Before I could do anything else he said '50 thousand', and I felt vindicated as that was what I was going to say.
We move to outside, by some bus shelter, and the guy is a young bloke now. He starts talking fast, setting out his offer, but not coming directly to the point. He waffles on about how much he was going to ask at first, then maybe he should split this and that and he mentions some specific figures, even going down to single pounds and pence. The expert guy is looking exasperated by this time and I am bemused too. Eventually the guy makes an offer and the buyer just says 'done'. The seller guy looks incredulous, and I laugh and say 'he wanted to go through his repertoire of barter and you spoiled it. He wanted at least three more rounds of haggling.' The seller does indeed look bereft, and its clear he thinks now he has offered too cheaply, and we both think the same.
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